:: She Got Me on The Roof Top ::
My filming starts in a few hours time, and I'm breaking into cold sweat.

I feel so unprepared. My schedule looks messy no matter how much I tweaked it. I kept thinking who have I not called. This time I'm all alone to do it. No assistant under me, no production manager to handle logistics, no helper to make calls. I'm freaking out. I kept kept going by telling myself its gonna be a great shoot, and the five days will be memorable.

Its been almost a year ever since I stepped into a proper production, I mean, not counting the minor ones. I actually loved the jolt of it, but when it comes to finger pointing I wish I can turn away.

I'm so broke, but thanks to Im, I manage to get by dinners. I got Swensens tonight, damn, can I complain? Thanks.

I found an old copy of Jack Kerouac's (all hail the Beat King) 'Scattered Poems' today, and I was delighted I shreiked out. I totally forgot about it, it must have been hidden for years now....

Thus, I'll share this awesome piece with you...I always so bitter after it, and its written so very simply.

How awfully sad I felt thinking of my sleeping mother in her bed
that she'll die someday
though she herself says "death is nothing to worry about,
How awfully sad I felt anyway -
That have no wine to make me forget my rotting teeth
is bad enough
but that my whole body is rotting and my mother's body
is rotting towards death, its all insanely sad.
I went outside in the pure dawn: but why should I be glad
about a dawn
that dawns on another rumor of war?
And why should I be sad: isn't the air at least pure and fresh?
I looked at the flowers on the bush: one of them had fallen:
another was just bloomed opened: neither of them were sad or glad.
I suddenly realised all things just come and go:
sad today, glad tomorrow: somber today drunk tomorrow:
why fret so much?
Everybody in the world has flaws just like me.
Why should I put myself down?
Which is a feeling just coming to go.
Everything just come and goes.
How good it is!
Evil wars won't stay forever!
Pleasant forms also go.
Since everything just comes and goes why be sad? Or glad?
Sick today healthy tomorrow.
But Oh, I'm so sad just the same!
Just coming and going all over the place,
the place itself coming and going.
We'll all end up in heaven anyway, together in that golden
eternal bliss I saw.
Oh, how darned sad I can't write about it well.
This is my attempt at the easy lightness of Ciardian poetry.
I really should use my own way..
But that too will go, worries about style. About sadness.
My little happy purring cat hates doors!
And sometimes he's sad and silent,
hot nose, sighs,
and a little heartbroken mew.
There go the birds, flying west a moment.
Who's going to ever know the world before it goes?